Along with everything else in life that we have to maintain, relationships with friends, family and acquaintances are usually way up on the priority list.
In my personal journey of trying to be a better human being, I know that I’m far from where I’d like to be. There are still things that make me angry, sad, hurt, confused, etc. The amount of situations that life throws at you can derail you off your path real quick. I’ve found that relationships with others can be difficult if we are not mindful of where we (and they) are at.
These are some things to consider when managing your relationships:
1. Check Your Expectations
I think a lot of relationships fail (both romantic and non-romantic) because of our expectations of the other person. For example, if you have an idea in your head of what your relationship with your sister or brother should be like, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. What happens when your sibling doesn't do and say exactly the things you want them to do and say? You will be offended, upset, annoyed, etc. because you saw something on t.v. or know someone who has a certain type of relationship with their sibling, so now you expect the same. We need to understand that our expectations are just that, ours. Your sibling is their own individual person and your expectations will never change that. Avoid the disappointment and make sure you are being realistic. So basically, we have to love and accept people even if the idea of them in our head doesn’t match who they really are.
2. See Them As Just Human
We often give ourselves way more leniency than we are willing to offer to other people. When you find yourself getting frustrated at someone, remember that they are human, just like you. While sometimes you won't be able to justify someone's actions, you can empathize with them in that they are a flawed human being, not someone who is intentionally out to hurt you. I've seen too many relationships crumble because one person thinks their feelings are more important than another. Or someone wants to hang on to something that they themselves are guilty of. We are all flawed so it's important to give leniency just as you would like to receive it in return.
3. See Things From Their Perspective
The easiest way to achieve world peace (in my opinion!) would be if we all learned to master the art of putting ourselves in another's shoes. Only then do we cut people slack when something happens that bothers us. There are numerous reasons why people act the way that they do. It could be their childhood, past relationships, trauma.. whatever it might be, it changes and molds a person. This of course isn’t a justification for bad behavior.. so many of us lash out in response to whatever is going on (or has went on). Often times even the most enlightened among us have moments where something can trigger them and they say or do something that they later regret. We have to meet people where they are and sometimes that person may not be where you think they should be, but that's where grace should be given. Personal development is a life-long process and it doesn’t go by your time clock.
4. View Your Relationships As Fluid
As with everything in life, relationships are constantly changing. Many of us aren't friends with the same people we were friends with 10 years ago and that's okay. Having fluid relationships means that they can come and they can go, their roles can change, and also how we relate to each other. Learning to let go of how we thought it should be is often hard, but it's for the best. This is another example of managing your expectations and being realistic about the situation. Many friendships drift apart because of life changes. One of you is going in this direction and the other is going in another. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with either of you, it just means that your paths are different. This is nothing to be upset about. New relationships can be built at any moment. Old relationships can also be made new at a later time.
We should all work to be more mindful of how we treat others and also mindful of our personal triggers and behavior. Learning to pause and reflect on what is bothering us, while being careful not to take it out on someone else. However, we also need to remember that communication is key in solving most conflicts and keeping relationships on good terms.. communication over reaction. If someone respects and cares about you, communicating your concerns should always help more than it should hurt.
Communication is the catalyst for change!
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