Our Story

In honor of Thanksgiving, I thought I would share mine & Heath's story. It's what I am most thankful for right now. It's also my favorite story, but I am a bit biased.. 

Heath and I met 12 years ago through a mutual friend. We hit it off and became best friends instantly. The kicker is that throughout the whole time we were best friends, I never felt anything for him. No feelings and no sexual attraction. As I sit here thinking about my life with him now I wonder, how can you not be attracted to someone for over a decade and suddenly feel something for them?? This puzzles me to this day. 

Our friendship was nothing short of amazing. We could talk for hours, told each other our relationship problems, got drunk together and partied way too hard. I confided in him with my boy problems and he confided in me with his girl problems. I met girls he was seeing and he met guys I was seeing. We spent a lot of time together. Of course things happen, things change and we drifted apart. I was in relationships, moved, etc. and he got married and had a kid. We didn't speak for a while because certain people weren't too keen on the idea. They thought we were way too close. We were both a threat to others, though we never saw it as such. 

Fast forward to now. He reached out to me and I decided I'd go hang out with him because I really missed him and the friendship we had with each other. Little did I know what would come of those few visits. After us hanging out the second time, I started feeling things towards him that were way out of normalcy for me. I denied it, told myself I had just been single too long, and also thought I was losing my mind. I decided that I would say nothing to him about how I felt. I didn't want to ruin our friendship, so I would just take some time and see how/if he responded. Then to my relief, he confessed his feelings for me on our next visit, which to my shock had been there the whole time we'd been friends. I had no clue. He never said anything about it and honestly, that's what I respect so much about him. Even though he cared for me as more than a friend, he never pressured me or made me feel guilty for dating other people. He was just.. my friend. A friend that I desperately needed at that time. 

Since then we have become intimate, moved in together, and started building a life together. Honestly, I've never felt more loved or more safe. I know when he tells me something, that he's telling me the truth. I know that when we aren't together, he's being faithful. I know that if I am wrong or being a bitch, he's going to let me know it. The fact that we were best friends for so long has given us such an amazing foundation. We trust each other, we respect each other, and we know how to have fun with each other. It is the best relationship I could ever ask for. Is he who I thought I would end up with? Absolutely not. The fact that he was right under my nose all these years is not lost on me, but we both know that things had to happen the way they did for a reason. Even though we are such a great couple now, I don't think we would have been then. We both needed to grow in certain areas. Our relationship is really easy because we have grown into better versions of ourselves and we have the advantage of friendship. As always.. timing is EVERYTHING. 

As I mentioned before, this whole thing still baffles me. I am constantly amazed at how things always work out the way they should. If you would have told me that Heath was the man I'd end up with, I would have laughed right in your face. Though, if you ask certain people in our lives.. they'd tell you that they saw this coming from a mile away. Let's just say there were a lot of "I told you so's", "FINALLY!", and "I KNEW IT!" from our friends. 

So needless to say, I am very thankful for how things have worked out. I couldn't imagine a more loving and fun relationship to be in. My life is so different than what I thought it would be. I was actually planning on moving out of state in January, but now I am here and living my best life with my best friend. 

That's OK with me :-)

Maintaining Healthy Relationships

Along with everything else in life that we have to maintain, relationships with friends, family and acquaintances are usually way up on the priority list. 

In my personal journey of trying to be a better human being, I know that I’m far from where I’d like to be. There are still things that make me angry, sad, hurt, confused, etc. The amount of situations that life throws at you can derail you off your path real quick. I’ve found that relationships with others can be difficult if we are not mindful of where we (and they) are at. 

These are some things to consider when managing your relationships:

1. Check Your Expectations

I think a lot of relationships fail (both romantic and non-romantic) because of our expectations of the other person. For example, if you have an idea in your head of what your relationship with your sister or brother should be like, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. What happens when your sibling doesn't do and say exactly the things you want them to do and say? You will be offended, upset, annoyed, etc. because you saw something on t.v. or know someone who has a certain type of relationship with their sibling, so now you expect the same. We need to understand that our expectations are just that, ours. Your sibling is their own individual person and your expectations will never change that. Avoid the disappointment and make sure you are being realistic. So basically, we have to love and accept people even if the idea of them in our head doesn’t match who they really are. 

2. See Them As Just Human

We often give ourselves way more leniency than we are willing to offer to other people. When you find yourself getting frustrated at someone, remember that they are human, just like you. While sometimes you won't be able to justify someone's actions, you can empathize with them in that they are a flawed human being, not someone who is intentionally out to hurt you. I've seen too many relationships crumble because one person thinks their feelings are more important than another. Or someone wants to hang on to something that they themselves are guilty of. We are all flawed so it's important to give leniency just as you would like to receive it in return. 

3. See Things From Their Perspective

The easiest way to achieve world peace (in my opinion!) would be if we all learned to master the art of putting ourselves in another's shoes. Only then do we cut people slack when something happens that bothers us. There are numerous reasons why people act the way that they do. It could be their childhood, past relationships, trauma.. whatever it might be, it changes and molds a person. This of course isn’t a justification for bad behavior.. so many of us lash out in response to whatever is going on (or has went on). Often times even the most enlightened among us have moments where something can trigger them and they say or do something that they later regret. We have to meet people where they are and sometimes that person may not be where you think they should be, but that's where grace should be given. Personal development is a life-long process and it doesn’t go by your time clock.  

4. View Your Relationships As Fluid

As with everything in life, relationships are constantly changing. Many of us aren't friends with the same people we were friends with 10 years ago and that's okay. Having fluid relationships means that they can come and they can go, their roles can change, and also how we relate to each other. Learning to let go of how we thought it should be is often hard, but it's for the best. This is another example of managing your expectations and being realistic about the situation. Many friendships drift apart because of life changes. One of you is going in this direction and the other is going in another. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with either of you, it just means that your paths are different. This is nothing to be upset about. New relationships can be built at any moment. Old relationships can also be made new at a later time. 

We should all work to be more mindful of how we treat others and also mindful of our personal triggers and behavior. Learning to pause and reflect on what is bothering us, while being careful not to take it out on someone else. However, we also need to remember that communication is key in solving most conflicts and keeping relationships on good terms.. communication over reaction. If someone respects and cares about you, communicating your concerns should always help more than it should hurt. 

Communication is the catalyst for change! 

Georgia Election 2018

Election day is quickly approaching and I thought it might be a good idea to do a post on the two candidates running in the state of Georgia. This appears to be a very tight race so it's important that we all get out and vote! I think a lot of people in Georgia only vote their party and do not really delve into the issues of each candidate. We have Republican Brian Kemp running against Democrat Stacey Abrams. There are several more issues, but these are a few that seem to be the most debated. 

Stacey Abrams

Gun Control - Most conservative commentary has described her as someone who wants to take your guns away. This is not accurate. Like most Democrats, she simply wants common-sense gun reform. i.e. extensive background checks, protection and services for domestic violence victims, investing in more mental health services, and community support to end gun violence <- An example being that when a gun is seized during an arrest, it is not put back out into the community. She has been scored an F by the NRA. 
Affordable Housing - Abrams wants to assist communities in providing more affordable housing options, end veteran homelessness, fighting stagnant wages that causes people to not be able to afford increasing rent prices, strengthen housing opportunities for people re-entering society after incarceration.
Healthcare - Abrams wants to expand Medicaid, safeguard a woman's access to healthcare and her right to choose, leverage more doctors to work in under-served areas, extra support for the elderly, and to provide proper mental health treatment through trained mental health professionals and not the criminal justice system.
Education - More affordable and quality childcare, fully funded public schools to avoid privatization, giving educators the tools they need to teach effectively, safer schools w/ more mental health services, strengthen debt-free graduation through HOPE and other scholarships/grants and free trade-school education, and also building youth civic engagement.
Criminal Justice - Promote effective community policing that will build trust and keep communities safe. The elimination of cash bail fines rather than jail time for small amounts of marijuana. Also, increased diversion and re-entry programs.
Jobs, Economy, & Infrastructure - Abrams want to keep more money in the pockets of GA residents through the Georgia Earned Income Credit & Cradle to Career Savings Program. Generate thousands of long-term, good paying jobs through small business capital, clean energy investment, & Medicaid expansion. Invest in Georgia's infrastructure and education systems, improve transit, and bridge the skills gap. Raise GA's minimum wage. Setting a goal of 22,000 apprenticeships by 2022 to build a stronger path to the middle class. Promote GA as an open and inclusive state. 

Brian Kemp

Gun Control - Kemp is the guy who famously pointed a gun at a teenage boy in his campaign commercial. So it is safe to say he is pro-gun. Kemp wants to end gun-free zones, he believes a permit should not be required to carry a firearm. He also proposed a sales tax holiday for guns and ammunition. He has an A+ rating by the NRA.
Affordable Housing - I couldn't really get any information on this matter with Kemp. This doesn't seem to be a priority I guess.
Healthcare - Affordable insurance premiums, accessible healthcare, expanded choices in providers, collaboration to address mental health, increase healthcare in rural areas.
Education - Increased teacher pay & fully funded public schools. Support and grow virtual learning for high achieving rural students. According to his website, he says he wants to follow in current Governor Deal's footsteps.
Criminal Justice - Decrease gang growth & quick deportation of illegals. He is against sanctuary cities and doesn't really make a distinction between regular immigrants and criminals so it's hard to decipher what he's saying. Hard deportation of everyone? Just the ones associated with drug cartels? It's not really clear.
Jobs, Economy, & Infrastructure - Kemp wants to make GA #1 for small businesses, cap state spending, audit all tax breaks to protect tax payers, give rural areas the same opportunities as the rest of the state, expand access to high speed internet, support farmers and agri-business. 

So there you have it. They share some similarities, but also have stark differences. They both seem to want more opportunity for small businesses and start-ups. They both want increased funding for public schools & better pay for our teachers. On guns however, Abrams wants stricter background checks while Kemp doesn't seem to want any regulation on who can attain a gun. From what I've read on both of their websites, Abrams site seems to be more detailed. I personally think Kemp's website leaves off a lot of much needed information that a voter might want to see. A lot of it seems vague. I'm having to do further research just to see where he stands on certain issues. 

There has been much debate on the validity of both candidates. If there is anything more prevalent in politics today, it is the hypocrisy. I've heard many on the right say that Abrams is unfit to run the state because she is in debt $200,000 via student loan debt, credit card debt, etc. However, upon taking a literal 2 seconds of my life.. I discovered that Kemp was sued by an investment company for $500,000 after he refused to pay back a loan that he took out. Might I also add that our own president has bankrupted several times and owes money to the government. So with that said, I think we can take all judgement off the table. We need to look at this election from an issues standpoint. Which candidate do you feel stands with you on what's most important? Which candidate will push Georgia forward to a better tomorrow? 

If you are wondering who I am voting for, I think it will come as no surprise that I will be voting for Abrams. 

There are several reasons:

1. We have been a red state for quite a while and I think it's time for a change. Lets see what someone else can do.
2. Kemp's view on guns is a bit frightening. If he wants to get rid of needing a permit to get a gun, is that really smart? How could that possibly benefit us as a state if anyone can attain a firearm? Doesn't seem wise. Also, his A+ rating by the NRA shows that he is also funded by them. So this means his interests is with the NRA, not the good of the people which would explain why he wants anyone to be able to attain one.
3. I don't like how Kemp doesn't distinguish between illegal immigrants and drug cartels. Those are two completely different kinds of people. He groups them together and doesn't state how he plans to handle each separately. This looks to me to be a lack of knowledge and a tactic to scare his base.
4. Abrams wants to make trade-school free. I believe this is a great way to get people into the work force and out of poverty and off the need for government assistance. Kemp doesn't mention anything about college other than that he wants UGA to be the #1 agriculture program in the country. Not sure how that effects the average GA resident but okay..
5. Abrams states that she wants better policing and trust-building in communities. This is the key to a more safe work-life for police officers and better interactions between them and anyone in the African-american community. There are many communities that know the value of building trust.. these communities see good results. I believe this is more effective than simply acting as an authoritative force. Again, Kemp doesn't really touch on the issue of law-enforcement on his site. 

I hope this has been helpful. I tried to stay as non-biased as possible but honestly, I have very strong opinions on this race. I have seen a lot of smears from Kemp in an effort to tarnish Abrams character. He's tried to shame her for the exact same things that he's guilty of. Unfortunately, when conservatives don't research for themselves.. they often fall prey to those lies. Not to mention his attempt at trying to suppress more than 53,000 voters.. most of whom are black voters. The thing about America is that we are a democracy and this is how we elect people, by voting. If you have to cheat to win then you don't deserve the title. Luckily, today a judge ordered that election officials (which Kemp oversees) stop tossing absentee ballots because of mismatched signatures. So with all that said, I believe that Abrams is the better candidate. 

If I've left anything out, feel free to let me know. Also, if anything I've said is untrue please correct me with facts, not opinions or spin. 

GO VOTE!

No More Debates With Unenlightened People

I’ve often thought of myself as highly political. I enjoy a good debate and am fully invested in what is going on in our country, both politically and socially. The last month though, has brought about a new perspective. At least in the way I choose to handle it.

Call it a spiritual awakening if you will. I’ve come to realize that each person living on earth is in their own reality. They are experiencing life in their own way, through their own experiences and perception. Until someone reaches a point where they are ready to wake up and see reality for what it is, even if it isn’t THEIR reality, I am no longer going to waste my time or breath.

Lets use the ‘kneeling during the anthem’ debate as an example. On side A you have a black man who agrees with kneeling during the anthem to shed light on racial injustice in America and Police brutality. Maybe he knows someone who was killed by police officers unjustly. He has an emotional attachment to racial injustice. Are his feelings valid? Is he legitimate in his concerns and fear? Of course he is.

On side B you have a father who lost his son in a war. When he sees the American flag or hears the national anthem, he immediately associates that with his son. The son that died protecting this country and its citizens. He has an emotional attachment to the flag, the song and an ideal of this country. Are his feelings valid? Of course they are.

Both of these individuals are emotionally invested. There is clearly nothing wrong with emotions. The issue arises when our emotions overtake our common sense. If person A begins calling all cops pigs and that they all deserve to die and person B begins denying that there is racial injustice in this country and that they just need to ‘get over it’.. that is where the problems begin. No one, regardless of where you fall on this discussion, has a right to tell someone that their feelings are not valid. We do not get to tell someone that what we experienced is worse than what they experienced. The ironic thing about this is that both of these men have so much in common, yet they can’t seem to walk in the others shoes.

Another issue is we like to speak for everyone to prove our personal point. Newsflash: not all blacks agree with kneeling. Not all whites disagree with it. Some cops agree, some don’t. Some veterans agree and some don’t. What does that tell you? At the end of the day all of these people that we like to put into groups are actually individual people with their own thoughts, opinions and perceptions. So when you find yourself speaking for a group of people, try to stop yourself. If your concern is that no kneeling should happen during the anthem because it’s offensive to veterans, stop and think about what I mentioned above. You can’t speak for all veterans because they have their own individual opinions. Just admit that it is YOUR opinion and you are bothered by it. Lets all stop being so sanctimonious about it and just admit that WE have a problem with it because WE have an emotional attachment to the issue. On the flip side, if you think that all black people should agree with kneeling, you need to admit to yourself that YOU are emotionally invested in issues of racism and that is YOUR issue, not theirs. Some black people do not process things the way that you do or maybe they have never experienced racism the way you have.

The biggest problem that I see in this country is the inability to reach across the aisle and see another’s perspective. I have gotten in many heated debates over this exact issue. Everyone is on their own personal growth journey in this life. We all reach wisdom at different ages. When someone is ready to reach a level of enlightenment they will, and not a minute sooner. I made a personal decision that I will not be engaging in anymore discussions on any issue unless I know the person I am speaking with can meet me in the middle. I no longer have the desire to talk to brick walls or unintentionally cause damage to relationships that I care deeply about. I know exactly who in my life I can have these conversations with and who I cannot. I also choose not to debate strangers because I do not know them or how they will react.. so I choose not to go there. The only thing I am responsible for is myself. I am no longer interested in trying to make anyone understand. People understand on their own terms and in their own time.

What would be best for all of us is to learn how to look at these situations objectively. Take your emotions and attachments out of it and see it for what it is. In the kneeling situation, athletes have a right to protest peacefully. It is protected under the law. It doesn’t matter whether you agree with that or not, it is the law.. that is what separates us from a Fascist state. Also, racial injustice does exist. On the other hand, just because you are black and you’ve had a bad experience with Police, it doesn’t mean that you should group them all as evil and try to have them harmed. There are wonderful cops out there who do wonderful things in their community. They truly know the meaning of ‘protect and serve’. Both of these far left and right extremes is what causes so much division between us. 

I’d like to challenge everyone to really consider what you are choosing to invest your time in. If you know a person is not ready to meet you in the middle of any debate, choose to avoid the discussion altogether. If you are passionate about something and know that the other person is not ready to receive the other side of reality, leave it be. We are not responsible for other people’s journeys, only our own. Lets stop being a part of the problem and start being a part of the solution. Learn how to love each other more because all we really want is to be understood.