Love Languages..

In all the experiences that I have had with relationships, one thing has become very clear: everyone loves differently. Generally speaking, you would think that when someone does something out of love, that it will be perceived that way. Not always the case. 

One of the most useful books I've ever read was 'The Five Love Languages'. It quickly made me realize the importance of loving people in the way THEY need to be loved. The book explains that what you consider love, another person may not. If a man feels the most loved from physical touch, but his wife shows love by acts of service, this could become an issue. Her intentions are good, but this isn't how he feels the most valued. I can attest to this in my own relationships. My ex, whom I dated for almost 4 years was 'Quality Time'. He wanted to spend quality time with me, but my face was buried in whatever technological device was within reach. If we were laying on the couch watching tv, I wanted to be on my iPad, but he wanted to talk. To me, talking the entire night, every night, was unnecessary. On the flip side, I was ‘Receiving Gifts’, but he would never do that for me. 
I'm pretty certain that this caused 60% of our relationship problems. 

I have taken the quiz a couple times. I take it every year to see how I've changed. 

Here are my results from 2016: 

And here are my results from 2017:

As you can see my top love language always stays the same. It is obvious to me why a couple of the others were switched around. As you get older and gain more experience in relationships, your needs in future partners will change. While physical touch is very important to me, I began needing words of affirmation more. This comes from getting hurt way too many times and not ever being sure how my partner feels about me at any given moment. Sex is the type of thing that anyone can do with you and not care one ounce for you. It's very empty without the other love languages accompanying it. Failed relationships can definitely change your perspective on what it means to be loved. 

I think there is a lot of stigma attached to getting gifts. This is my primary love language so I understand what the real power is behind it. It isn't about the price or size of the gift so much as the thought behind it. Here is how The 5 Love Languages describes receiving gifts..

This description could not explain it any better. I cannot tell you the amount of times I haven't received a gift from a boyfriend on Valentines, Birthdays, Christmas, etc. To me that tells me that I am not enough for you to put in the effort to go pick something out. I've gotten flowers once and I had to ask for them. Yes I'm serious..

Taking this test as a couple is a great first step, but you will notice sometimes that even when your partner knows your love language, they will not follow up on it. To some people, having to go out and buy a gift seems like the hardest thing on the planet to do. However, since that is my primary love language, it comes easy for me. I always buy amazing gifts for my boyfriends because I think "oh this is going to make him so happy!". It doesn't seem that complicated to me, but for some I guess it is. I honestly don't see how I could ever be in another relationship with someone who isn't thoughtful. I feel almost no love without that quality present. This is something that I need and I hope that my future partner will understand that, as I will do the same for him (whatever his love language may be). 

I would encourage anyone, whether single or hitched, to take this test. It could really give you some insight into what makes you feel valued and appreciated. Encourage your partner to do the same! It might smooth over some bumps in the road. 

Go here if you'd like to take the test: 
The 5 Love Languages Quiz

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