Head or Heart. Which Should We Base Our Decisions On?

This question plagues me. I have been at this crossroad many times in my adult life. I'm sitting there staring at a situation in my mind trying to figure out which road to take. I can follow my heart or I can follow my head. The heart will lead you based on how you feel and what makes you happy. Your head will lead you based on logic and reasoning. 

I faced this situation in October. I was traveling across the country and I decided to stop in Salt Lake City. I chose to book a private room through Airbnb. When I arrived the host met me downstairs to show me where to park and show me to the apartment. It was a guy in his twenties. He takes me up to the apartment and shows me the room I will be staying in. I set my things down and he offers me some pizza that he had just put in the oven. I accepted because I had not eaten since lunch and by this time it was like 7ish and I didn't want to wait an hour on an UberEats order to get there. I take a couple slices and for a second I thought of just going back in the bedroom, but for some reason I decided to sit down with him at the table instead. Our discussion went on for 5+ hours. Sporadically throughout the conversation I kept getting confused at what I was feeling. I was sitting there looking at this nerdy tech guy, who had the most beautiful smile I think I've ever seen. I was super confused to say the least..

So at this point it was past midnight and we were both obviously tired. We said goodbye and goodnight (since I wouldn't be seeing him again before he left for work the next morning). I then went to sleep. I woke up the next morning and I was cheesin' hard and I really didn't understand why. Anyway, I got my things together and left. I am 40 minutes down the road and he texts me saying that he enjoyed talking to me and asked if I left the parking pass in the room. CRAP! I didn't realize he needed it. There was some crazy $65 charge for not returning the pass so I turned around and brought it back to him. He met me outside (he decided to work from home that day) and I gave him the pass and we hugged and said goodbye again. I drove off and I knew I was screwed. I knew what was happening now. I was crushing on this guy. Have you ever become attracted to someone that you never thought you would? Yep. This was happening. He wasn't at all the kind of guy that I would normally be drawn to. 

I told you that story to make a point about head vs. heart. My heart said that I wanted to pursue something with him. My head said that it would never work. We live too far apart and we don't know each other that well. Naturally, since I am frequently led by my heart, I ended up telling him how I felt a week later and he said he was crushing on me too and even though we could probably take turns going to visit each other, he didn't see how anything could come of it since we hardly know each other and he doesn't want to be involved in a LDR. My heart sunk. 

He thought of the situation through his head and how the odds were completely stacked against us. I thought about it through my heart and thought of solutions to possibly make it work. 

I guess there are pro's and con's to both sides of this. 

Heart: takes chances, lives for the moment, takes risks, gets hurt more
Head: avoids heartbreak & conflict, a lot of "what if?" moments, decisions are often based on fear, stays in comfort zone

I honestly don't know which is better or worse. Everyone has to make decisions that they think are best. Here are some steps that I think can help in making sure that you are going in the right direction with your decision. 

1. Have you thought about all the possible options? Is there a way to make the situation work that maybe you haven't considered?

2. Make a pro's & con's list. When you're done, go take a walk. Come back to your list at a later time. Read over it. How does each entry on the list make you feel? 

3. Pause. Often when we are busy, it allows us to shrug off things that really matter to us. Only to realize later in a moment of quietness, that you made a mistake. Really sit down and think about how you feel. Is there a possibility that you are just being negative and only thinking of the cons? Is there a possibility that you are being too naive about the situation? Just pause and reflect on how you truly feel and what's possible. 

4. Boldly and confidently make your decision. If you took the above steps seriously, the answer should come with complete confidence. 

Did I like his choice? Not really. Did it hurt? Yep. Am I upset with him? Nope. I have to respect his choice because that's what he thought was best for him and I truly wish him all the best. 

Some decisions are never easy to make. Me deciding to act with my heart set me up for a rejection that in all honesty, I did not need right now. Him deciding to act with his head prevented him from having what might have been a really awesome union. No matter what choice we make, there is always a risk of failure or regret. As they say.. hindsight is 20/20. 

I really hope this post has been helpful to someone. It was definitely therapeutic to write. 




When was a time you had to choose between your head and your heart? Did it end up being the right choice? Was there any regret afterwards? What would you do differently if given the chance?